I don’t know what to feel anymore. Should I be feeling happy, sad, disappointed, hurt or down? I just do not know what to do now. I don’t feel like myself these days. My body is feeling weak and my mind is not thinking straight at all. My heart feels like there’s thousands of needle inside the heart’s chambers. I prayed but it still doesn’t work. I’m not saying that God is not there for me. He is but the problem is me. My character is not like I used to be. I don’t feel like myself anymore. I feel like an emotional, I mean very emotional person just replace me. Something like that. I am not like this and I know it. Unfortunately, I am right now. I know it’s meaningless to express my feelings out but I just want to say it all out. I might be happy sometimes these days but still, I’m just not me. Friends were for me. Checking on me but it’s just me that is not telling them. I hide these feelings away from everyone because my burdens are too heavy to carry. Only God can help me carry it. I’m tired of this. Tired of everything. I feel like at a point I will just give everything up and just walk along the streets without knowing where I am going. I feel like burying my talents, secrets, knowledge, strength, life and also my love underground. I don’t feel sad nor down. I just don’t feel right. If you understand, you will know what I meant by that. Countless times I’m like this and countless acts that made my friends worry. I am not like this but why I am now? I need to know why. Is my shadow overcoming me? Is my bad side coming back? Or is it something’s just playing with my mind? I don’t know. What I want to say, I don’t want anyone coming to me and ask me anything. This is because you already read my problem. There’s no further explaining to do. Prayer is just my hope. Pray in faith but not by sight. God is my only hope to let these things to vanish. I don’t want to feel this way anymore. I need God, I need Jesus. Nothing else. Only JESUS…
I'm starting to give up...
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