This is just expressing myself for the past few weeks and now.

I don’t know what to feel anymore. Should I be feeling happy, sad, disappointed, hurt or down? I just do not know what to do now. I don’t feel like myself these days. My body is feeling weak and my mind is not thinking straight at all. My heart feels like there’s thousands of needle inside the heart’s chambers. I prayed but it still doesn’t work. I’m not saying that God is not there for me. He is but the problem is me. My character is not like I used to be. I don’t feel like myself anymore. I feel like an emotional, I mean very emotional person just replace me. Something like that. I am not like this and I know it. Unfortunately, I am right now. I know it’s meaningless to express my feelings out but I just want to say it all out. I might be happy sometimes these days but still, I’m just not me. Friends were for me. Checking on me but it’s just me that is not telling them. I hide these feelings away from everyone because my burdens are too heavy to carry. Only God can help me carry it. I’m tired of this. Tired of everything. I feel like at a point I will just give everything up and just walk along the streets without knowing where I am going. I feel like burying my talents, secrets, knowledge, strength, life and also my love underground. I don’t feel sad nor down. I just don’t feel right. If you understand, you will know what I meant by that. Countless times I’m like this and countless acts that made my friends worry. I am not like this but why I am now? I need to know why. Is my shadow overcoming me? Is my bad side coming back? Or is it something’s just playing with my mind? I don’t know. What I want to say, I don’t want anyone coming to me and ask me anything. This is because you already read my problem. There’s no further explaining to do. Prayer is just my hope. Pray in faith but not by sight. God is my only hope to let these things to vanish. I don’t want to feel this way anymore. I need God, I need Jesus. Nothing else. Only JESUS…

I'm starting to give up...

04/04/2010

April

                Wow.. It's already april.. My goodness..Time really flies when you are having fun or busy busy busy.. haha.. last few days were great.. Had alot of FUN with people..xD.. And today is Easter Day!...xD.. Today started off like this.. Church on 7.30am.. but woke up at 8am.. Went there like 8.30am.. Wow.. After that, went for breakfast at MacD in Api api center.. Haha.. After that, blur blur dont know where to go already.. Go city mall or go home.. So city mall lo..xD.. haha.. went there played daytona with my sister then pool a while.. Then her friend came then Oscar joined after his class with his student in Yamaha.. Then surprisingly saw my cousin in city mall which is Easter..xD.. haha.. So like.. my mom wanna fetch us home.. but got changed of plans.. we went to 1Borneo.. Haha.. So like, when i went there, played archery then eat chicken rice then pool then go Upperstar.. Then Metro again.. Haha.. After that dinner.. Metro again.. My goodness.. Tiring..><.. Then came home.. bath and drink MILK.xD.. haha.. now doing blog lo..xD.. haha.. oh!.. i bought a cd for FONTS.. So like.. i got abut 2000 fonts..xD..hehehehe.. It's really cool..!xD.. Wanna see some??..xD.. wait for it..

Happy Time

Happy Day

And Always

Smile

29/03/2010

School Started

                 So like today started off with assembly in the hall.. And we had a talk by some ppl that is in charge of the Earth Hour.. So yeah.. Oh! And Miss Earth Hour came to our school.. Ok la.. It was amazing.. but haha.. not for me..xD.. So like.. It took most of our time.. Love it.. after that talk.. Had PJK.. wasnt in a mood for sports that time.. hehehe.. and teacher was not around but had to go to the field.. sad isnt it..xD.. haha.. Then recess.. After that is physics.. haha.. well boring as usual but learnt new things though..xD.. Nvm.. OH!!!! ON THAT TIME!!!! IT RAINED!!!! HEAVILY!!! HALLELUJAH!!!! THANK YOU GOD!..xD.. I was like.. Ui!!! I want to bath under the rain..xD.. hehehe.. shower myself with rain.. Im soooo happy man.. never feel cold  for a looooong time..xD.. Sooo happy.. haha. so like after that, bio class and yeap learnt about neuronessss.. haha.. understandable already.. haha... Supposing to have Ice Cream Race today but it rained so postponed to other day.. so sad.. and I stayed back for nothing.. well.. not exactly nothing.. had friends around me.. sooo.. Not boring while waiting for mom..xD.. hehehe.. Yeap.. Oh!.. while waiting for car, i taught one of my friend abit of theory, music theory that is.. she was blur.. but she gets it.. haha.. going to teach her guitar after SPM.. haha.. so like after that, she had to leave and few minutes later my turn to leave.. CHOW~~.. haha..xD.. And i went for piano lesson.. and yeap.. need practice.. haha..=D.. I mean literally..xD.. So yeah. not much to say anymore about today.. So, yeah. thats it for today.. Hahaha.. nothing much happening.. Oh! Had my milk..xD..

Anti-Drugs Week

Going to miss lessons

Happy but rip off

Yeah

28/03/2010

Sundaeeeeee

                      So, yeap i didnt do a blog for yesterday..xD.. Its okay because not everyday right i need to tell everyone about my day. But i think you guys will disagree with that but nevermind.. haha..xD.. So today is Sunday.. and I didnt go to church..><.. Woke up late.. Huhuhu.. But it's okay God still forgive me.. Next sunday must go! Easter Sunday..xD.. hehe.. So my day starts off like this.. I woke up and then had my breakfast.. I was still blurish that time.. hehe. So after that, went for a haircut.. Haha.. Yeap my hair was long..xD.. So i got a haircut at City Mall.. Haha.. So like after haircut I go to the fun square cause wanna play Daytona. So when i got to the machine.. I saw a friend of mine.. i was like Hey!..xD.. yeap we played and he won..T.T.. cause my 4th time playing the advanced lap.. Quite fun actually must play that lap all the time from now..xD.. So like after that.. I went to Food Court and saw my sister with her friend eating there.. So i ordered my food and sat opposite of my sister's table with my friend.. so like about 2.30pm he had to go.. so... I moved to my sister's table..xD.. haha.. After that, went to play pool at City Mall.. But I didnt really win much cause I dont like the table there.. haha.. So like after that, actually wanna go jogging but my sister and her friend, MK wanna me go for movies with Oscar la.. haha.. so like i was like ermmm.. ok lah.. Sorry Frances..><.. Next time ya!..=D.. So i went to 1Borneo with them.. We watch yeap.. again.. How to train your Dragon.. Haha.. Worth watching again..xD.. One more time la..xD.. ui seh..xD.. Ermm.. So like after that.. I played pool at 1B with Oscar.. And i won by 4-3...xD... 7 games in 1 hour. wow..xD.. haha. So yeap.. after that went home had dinner.. And just did my correction for chemistry.. Haha.. but im done now..xD.. I'm safeeee..xD.. hehe.. so yeah.. OH!!!! When Oscar wanna send MK back home... A bird just poo on oscar car.. on the right side second window.. I was like laughing till i cant breathe..xD.. hehehehe.. Sorry Oscar..XD.. I feel your pain.xD.. Yeap.. thats what happen today..xD..

Saw A Baby Had A Haircut When I Was Having Mine

Expected That She Would Cry

Made My Day

Cause I Was Like That Too

When I Was A Baby

26/03/2010

It's Friday

                 Yeap.. Today started off with Malay class.. Aural is still going on so like.. i observed some of the groups that presented their aural.. most of it are very good.. haha.. applause.xD.. so like.. yeap.. haha. oh! and my malay teacher told me that there's no tuition tomolo so like yeah free on saturday morning..xD.. haha.. after Malay class its add maths.. well learnt how to find area under a curve.. it's not that hard.. haha..xD.. Hmmm.. then yeap.. recess.. after that its english.. well.. lets just say its quite boring from that on.. wanna like go CF..xD.. haha.. did few exercises then maths class but teacher isn't in so like.. free.. haha..xD.. happy la..xD.. after school had CF.. And i leaded worship..xD.. it was a good experience.. haha.. after CF, drum lesson.. yeap.. learn triplet fill ins..haha.. fun oh.. wanna practice more and more..xD.. haha.. then like after drum class, going to have worship practice in kyrugma house.. so yeah.. it's great.. we did everything like in 45mins..xD.. for the first time we did it quickly..xD.. well because songs we are familiar with but we did something new to the songs.. haha..xD.. So like after worship practice. me and my friends wanna do a surprise for Oscar! cause it's his birthday.. haha!.. and well it was a success!..xD.. haha.. praise God.. it was great and had my day by ending it with drinking milk now..xD.. haha.. so like that's all i wanna share for today..xD.. more to come in the future.. haha.. oh! we made Frances sing upstage.. well small stage but still it was awesome.. and oh! by the way, it was in Funky Town, Damai Point..xD.. haha.. Oh Oh!! And i experienced Mandy's driving.. her driving was good.. i mean good..xD.. haha.. so yeap..

Good,

Great,

AWESOME!

25/03/2010

Thursday~~

                   Well today was a good day.. i mean by good.. GREAT!XD.. wait no! AWESOMEE!!XD. haha.. so like i had Malay class first.. It was aural and supposing my group is first but one of my group member had Ragbi so didnt did aural..xD.. next week then do..xD haha.. happy la but i want to do first so that can end fast..xD.. haha.. then after that was history class but teacher had something going on in the hall so like no history.. YEAH!XD.. haha then had Moral class.. Hmmmm.. It's okay..xD.. haha.. Kringggssss.. Recess..xD.. haha.. after that like add maths.. learn new things and it was easy!..xD surprise? heheheh... then like some of bio student have the trip that i had on tuesday.. today its their turn so like in class not much students.. haha.. last period.. MATHs.. haha.. well not much teaching.. only exercises so like yeap.. haha. and then after school.. its like prayer meeting.. the very first one but in the end.. dont have.. sad.. the door was locked.. xD.. haha. My president forgotten the keys i still forgive her..xD.. busy woman!..xD.. haha.. should have spare keys from the teacher but apparently no.. so like.. whhaaat??.. no prayer??T.T.. Noo!!!.. but its okay.. we still have next week.. and next week its Maundy Thursday.. haha.. so more power..xD.. haha.. but in the end.. we did went into the room cause we are having worship practice.. but how we get in.. by picking the lock..xD.. alot of people tried and in the end.. it's unlocked!..xD.. Praise God.. and Bless for those who helped!.xD.. haha.. Practice was good..xD.. and i'm leading worship.. and yeapp first time.. IN CF!..xD.. haha.. so like after that.. went for VJ shooting.. but im not the VJ but get to see..xD. haha.. then like had dinner with Gar and Vern at City Mall Food Court.. haha.. Tuaran mee there is not bad at all..xD.. so like after dinner.. we picked up Mandy for a movie.. HOW TO TRAIN YOUR DRAGON!.. Wow. It's a very very nice movie..xD.. wanna watch it again.. anyone?xD.. So like after movie.. Veda Blu..xD.. haha.. Yeap.. had ice cream before home.. hehehehe.. so like now im typing this.. haha lame kan me??xD.. haha.. so like yeap.. haha..=D

Wouldn’t know

Wouldn’t tell

But We know after all!

24/03/2010

WeDnEsDaY~~

                   Yeap.. Today just another ordinary day.. haha.. I predicted that i would fail my history and i did but never thought that i would get a higher percentage then i expected..xD.. haha. Praise God!..xD. After history class is english but teacher was not in so like.. everyone is in their own world..xD.. haha.. Hmmmm.. Yeap.. It was boring but okay.xD.. Then have sivik, like teacher gave us the project titles and like my group had the boring one.. I was likeee.. Whaaaat????..T.T.. Well.. not that bad also la..xD. haha.. Recess.. so like after that, it's maths!.xD. haha.. Sigh.. I'm sooooo disappointed! I did sooo much careless mistakes!!.. I got 63% for maths.. Supposing I can get an A+ like 90% above... teacher was like how could i get that mark??.. I nearly cried but it's nothing to cry about... But still disappointing!..><.. Nvm.. Moving on.. Bio class.. Haha.. Learn chapter 3 about nerves and something..xD.. haha.. quite interesting.. Haha.. still can catch what is teacher explaining to me..xD.. hehe.. Hmmmm... and then had extracurricular activities!xD.. and it was CLUB! and that meanssss... ASCF(e)!!! All Saint Christian Fellowship..xD.. Well.. i had high expectations but it ended up unexpected.. So.. yeap.. But it's okay!... I love CF!!XD.. It's just the first meeting.. well not exactly first but still..xD.. haha It's still good..xD.. Oh yea! Going to have prayer meeting tomolo.xD.. haha.. leading man.. ermm ermmm..xD. heheheh... Oh oh!! My first time leading worship this friday..xD.. hahah.. nervous but great thing to do.. my first experience..xD.. singing in front of the crowd..xD.. haha.. well yeap.. that's all i wanna say about today.. Need to note down what i need to share about in prayer tomolo.xD..

Step by Step

Blink by Blink

BOO!!!

23/03/2004

Yeap~ Just Another Day~~

                     Well.. Today was okay I guess..xD.. haha.. and you know what i suppose to get a pass for my chemistry! My gosh!..xD. but nvm.. 1st exam still can forgive myself.. Hehehe..=D.. Then like moral time, teacher's not happy because when she saw some of our technique to answer the paper was wrong.. So like.. not much happiness there but teacher still loves me!..xD. hehehe.. Hmmm.. Then i had English.. well i pass my english and supposing to get an "A" but yeap.. Haha.. but still good..xD.. It's possible for me to pass english but its impossible to fail it!..xD.. haha.. even my english level not that high but still.. haha..xD.. Hmmm.. After that like  it's Malay.. haha.. Pass my Malay! Pheeeeew~.xD.. haha.. then like got physics but i have a trip!.. hehehe.. the trip was cool..xD.. well worth it i guess.. haha..xD.. I get to discover things that is a little bit disturbing but still..Haha..xD.. had fun anyways..xD.. Hmmm.. After that like music theory class.. oh my gosh.. more to memorize!..><.. But nvm.. it's simple to remember. hehehe.. wanna get distinction for my exam on August!.xD.. hehe.. Hmmmmm.. Yeap.. nothing else happen today.. Just smile..=]=]=]=]..

Sky Is Blue

Ocean Is Blue

And So Are We!

22/03/2010

SCHOOL~~~~

               It is great to be back to school??..xD.. haha.. well today was good.. but in the classroom was sooooo HOT!.xD.. well.. i had my fun today.. haha.. just did my aural test for BM with my friends in class. And its tomorrow!.xD.. haha.. so lat minute but we finished it.. short and simple.xD.. hehe.. so like after that.. got piano lesson. Learnt a new song.. only 8 bars first.. haha. it's nice.xD.. and eaaasy too.. haha.. well.. nothing much happen today cause its a school day!xD.. Oh! Oh!.. tomorrow i will have a Bio Trip to someone..?? Family planning?..xD.. about chapter 4 Reproduction?..xD.. haha.. nvm.. Hmmm.. looks like tomolo going to be fun..xD.. haha.. well it depends too.. haha.. well nothing to say much. haha! lameness coming in.. BYE!=D

KnOcK kNoCk~

WhO’s ThErE?~

eVeRyOnE!~

20/03/2010

YESTERDAY~~~~

                       Well.. let;s just say it was okay.. Haha.. was at home for the whole morning then went for my drum lesson from 12pm till 1pm.. Surprisingly I bumped into one of my teacher after my lesson..xD.. Haha.. So we talked for like 30mins... And like that time i need to walk to Kyrugma house.. haha.. So like on 1.40pm i walk lo.. Then without noticing i reach there in like 10-12mins only..xD.. haha.. So like after that, was aloneeeeee till like 2.30pm then got friends..xD.. On that time also was waiting for Gar because wanna go and eat at Thaiseng.xD.. hehe.. So, when he reached, we go lo.. haha.. After eat, bumped into Oscar again.. haha.. He gave us a ride back to Kyrugma.xD.. hehehe.. Thank youuuu, Os!.xD and like after that went to Wisma Agape which is in my church..xD.. haha. had cell group there.. E3 & E5 combined ice breaker and worship.. it was great..=D.. Haha.. after that like.. ermmm.. OH!..EKLEKTOS CELEBRATION!!XD.. Youth.. And im serving as a bassit.. Now i have blisters on my 2 finergersss..xD.. but nevermind.. no pain no game// wait! oh! oh! No Pain, No Praise!!!..xD.. Hehehehehe.. so liek after the youth.. one person came to me and asked me about something.. haha.. so like i told la.. and that person was happy that i told and thanked me.. haha.. after that.. one more person came to me and asked me about something.. is a different thing by the way.. haha.. and i told that person and that person will try to.. ermmm. what's the word.. try to so something la.. haha.. so yeap.. Then right.. Went home and then sms abit.. then sleeep// haha.. tired to blog on late night..xD.. so i did it today..xD.. hahaha..

DING DONG! WHAT??!! 

NOTHING!! DING DONG!

19/03/2010

Today was *sigh* but ok~~

                 Morning time went for tuition at 9am till 11am.. Then went to kyrugma house to watch the editing or the video in the media room.. Was there for a very long time. Oh yea, i had my milk too.. Haha.. It was fun when i watch the editing.. So funny!.. haha.. then after that, i got worship practice. I was playing bass but not exactly playing it much.. was standing most of the time.. so yeap.. i dont feel hype out like yesterdays.. well yeap. Sighh..   I feel the very lame la.. I dont feel like im good at anything.. some people.. i mean most.. dont see what can i do.. well.. i had to face that fact anyway.. no running away.. i dont think today is good day.. hate it oo.. sighsss.. what can i do now is just bath and eat.. then.. see la.. i dont feel myself today.. every friday afternoon, i will be like this oh.. i dont know why..

          FREESTYLE!!! DO YOU KNOW WHAT IS FREESTYLE AND NOT PRECISE????!!!! CAN I DO MY STUFFS!!!! MAYBE IS NICE!!! WHO KNOWS!!!???  NEVER KNOW WHEN NEVER TRY!!.. 

18/03/2010

AWESOME!!!!XD
                    Today was really good!..xD.. but at the morning was not that good. haha. cause suppose to have tuition but in the end dont have.. And yeap.. i need to stay there outside of all saints(my school) for 2 hours..xD.. but thank God have friends to hang out with till the time ends..xD. haha.. then.. had lunch with Vern and Gar at FUNKY TOWN!.xD.. haha.. first time there! the place was really cool!! they got an acoustic guitar!!!! OH MY GOSH!XD.. hahaha.. then after that, went to VJ shooting..xD.. haha. it was awesomeee.. creative brain cells man!.xD.. =D=D=D=D=D.. I love the media family oh!..xD.. and now at home.. haha.. just had my dinner and bathed.. haha.. so yeap.. today was awesome!..xD.. lameness coming in.. beep beep beep..xD

    ~!!!BOOM BADA BOOM BOOM BOOM!!!~

17/03/2010

Today was unexpected~
                       Well today should be going out and watch movie with vern and gar but got change of plans.. Sad but i still had fun la.. Today was really great and im very happy that my plan work out..=].. Hahaa. Wish i could drive so i could do more stuffs than just now..=D.. well.. went to CP and watched alice in wonderland.. it was not bad at all..xD.. haha.. then went to san francisco for drinks and talk lo.. from 4.20pm till about 5.30pm.. had a great time.. xD.. Will expect more soon.. hehehe. i was abit dissapointed because today was a movie day with vern and gar but didnt turn out i expected but still great la today..=D.. haha.. SORRY VERN AND GAR!!=(.. NEXT TIME LA!!=D.. still got How to train your dragon!..xD.. it's out already la by the way.. haha. let's go watch that..xD.. haha.. Hmmm.. think thats all to say now before my lamesness come out.. guess it already did..xD.. haha.

                 Jeng jeng jeng BANG!! jeng jeng jeng

16/03/2010

It's just another BORING day~~~
             Well, today is just another day with no fun.. so saaaaad oh!..T.T.. But!!! Looking forward to tonight and tomolo.xD.. Oh!!! and!! Thursday!..xD.haha. Well tonight is going to be unexpected moment!xD.. thats why its fun..=].. tomolo is movie night with friendssss..xD.. and thursdaY!xD.. well.. just fun la..xD..haha. thought that i would go to karamusing now but.. No..T.T.. wanna go to the new pool place opened near karamusing.. the new building opposite of kara..xD.. haha.. it look nice.. but not sure yet.. wanna check it out oooo..=D.. but no..T.T.. nvm about that.. must make my mood up cause today will be fun and great!..xD.. and tomolo.. only night la.. not morning or afternoon.. soo.. need to bare with it.. haihh..>.<. wish i could drive now.. but i couldn't..need to wait till my birthday.. still long ahead..><.. sooo.. yeap..xD.. haha.. lameness coming..xD..

                   (= BYEEEEEEEE =)

15/03/2010

BORIIIIIING~~~~~

           Even I wanted holidays, it's still boring.. I wanna go out but my condition isn't that well yet.. Why?????.T.T. So saaaad oh.. Wanna go play archery and pool!!! Oh! oh! and and!! Alice in Wonderland!!!! Woahhhh!!=D.. Dont know why, suddenly feel like blogging la.. Haha.. Im starting to online alot i realize that..xD.. I dont know what to say anymore but i still wanna type again and again..xD.. so lame kan me??..XD.. Can't wait for SPM to come because I cant wait to study musicssss..xD.. haha.. Oh yA!!! i forgot!! I MISSED SAOSIN'S CONCERT!!!!T.T... SOOO SAD!!!! Woah.. double the sadness oooo..!!..T.T.. yeah.. think should stop now before anyone break down and say this is very lame..xD.. haha!!

CHOW!!!